My First Bloooog

I started this blog in response to a handful of people that are particularly amused by my facebook statuses (mostly my family who can appreciate my warped sense of humor). I don't know how much I will be able to post on here, but I'm sure that I will have plenty of inspiration from the idiots that I run across on a daily basis. If you find anything particularly hilarious, disgusting, moronic, or anything else you'd like to hear me rant about... send it my way and I'll see what I can do.

**Disclaimer**

If you don't enjoy poking fun at people and yourself from time to time don't read on. I have no filter between my brain and mouth, so if I think it, I write it. Some may find this to be a bit cruel, but it's all in good fun and I would pray that someone would have the nerve to say these things to me if I were in a similar situation.

The inspiration for my first blog comes to you compliments of a photo posted by Lindsey on Facebook. Let me preface this entry by stating that I feel kind of bad for ripping on this woman because we all know I have some junk in my trunk.... and I am in no way denying that or knocking women with a little meat on their bones, however, with that being said, it's all in what you do with what you've got. The other reason I don't feel bad for ripping on this woman is because she has spawned 3 of the whiniest, most diva-esque children in the world (two of them being of the male species).

First, I'll give you a little background on the woman in this photo. She is one of the parents in Julian's soccer league, she has triplets that are all in Julian's group. By the end of the first practice all 3 of her lovely children were in tears and I'm pretty sure her and especially her particularly feminine husband were on the verge of tears themselves. Her daughter was donning pink shin guards and metallic pink soccer shoes... she looked like she was straight out of flash dance. I think that's enough info for you to get the picture... now without further adieu... the photo!

Are you kidding me lady?!?! Did Ray Charles pick that outfit out for you?!?!

1. Spandex should be reserved for certain things such as working out, bike rides, and 80's dress up parties. It's not the first thing I would pull out of my closet to wear to my kids soccer game. You're lucky you're kids are only 4 and they don't understand what an abomination this is or they'd most certainly disown you, grow up, go on Oprah and blame all their problems on you!

2. I give you props for having triplets, but honey, you aren't Kate Gosselin and you didn't get free plastic surgery.

3. If you have to wear an extra shirt under a shirt just to stop your tummy from hanging out... It's time to retire the shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And lastly.....

4. I can empathize with the cottage cheese thighs and butt... I have my fair share... but if your pants are so tight that you can tell its large curd cottage cheese as opposed to small curd.... we've got a problem!

That's all for now....

Stay classy cyber space!